If you haven’t read Part I of Brett and Jenny’s interview, check it out here.
Tell us about some trials and triumphs of being a dance parent.
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Brett: There are big and small trials and triumphs every single day. The whole ballet training path is a trial. These kids are under so much pressure at such a young age. And they are expected to behave like adults in the studio, yet once they’re out of the studio, they’re treated like the children they are. This can really mess with a dancer’s head.
For us, the biggest trial was when Sam got injured going into his last year at San Francisco. Because he/we downplayed what was likely an injury he had had for a while before going into summer, it only got worse during the two (very rigorous) summer programs he attended.
By the time he returned for the school year, the injury was so bad that it sidelined him for all of the first semester. This led to a lot of mental health issues and ultimately caused him to rethink whether or not he wanted to continue in ballet. It was so bad that we had to look at potentially switching training programs, which he ultimately did in 2022, when he joined the second company at Houston Ballet Academy (HBII).
In terms of triumphs, most parents would probably assume that the ultimate triumph was Sam having the luxury of deciding between two attractive company offers and ultimately signing a contract with a large ballet company.
But the real triumph is that Sam’s mental health is back where it needs to be. Along with Sam, who did the hard work, the two people I credit for that are Elizabeth Sullivan, a performance coach, who has been mentoring him since he was 15, as well as Jen Sommers, the director of the Houston Ballet Academy, who gave him unwavering support while he was there. Sam would describe HBII as a two-year boot camp with all the attendant BS that goes along with it. But he also says that he wouldn’t be the dancer he is today without those two years.
It was in Houston where he also rediscovered his joy of dance. Sam loved to perform, but for many years, that spark had disappeared. In December of his first year, he was asked to perform a piece by Trey McIntyre called Leatherwing Bat as part of his mid-year evaluation.
We decided not to attend because we didn’t want to put pressure on him. Later, when we watched the recording of the performance, there was a moment, midway through his performance, when a huge smile came across his face and it was clear the joy of being on stage had returned. My husband and I both cried. Not because of how well he performed the piece, but because we saw that our son was truly happy again just dancing.
I asked Sam about that, and he told me that he started to smile because, all of a sudden, it came back to him on why he danced. For the first time in years he loved it again.
It’s easy to get sucked into the ballet training vortex and only focus on potential career success. Until your kid starts to struggle. Watching Sam go through this, and come out in a better place emotionally, put everything in perspective.
In terms of my own triumphs, the biggest benefit of being a ballet parent is the friendships you develop. At every school Sam has attended, I’ve been fortunate enough to develop deep friendships with parents who understand what we’re all going through. We’ve celebrated our kids’ triumphs together and cried on each other’s shoulders when things were looking bleak. Having that built-in support network was instrumental in helping me survive this wild ride!
Jenny: Trial: Abbey never met a hobby she didn’t like. She loved them all and excelled at most things she tried. Eventually, she became the typical overscheduled, stressed-out kid. It happened so gradually that we didn’t realize how much she was struggling until it was too late. Abbey was in 7th grade for her first year at SFBS, but she was also the first chair in the school band, commuting 100 miles a day for ballet 5 days a week, competing with her original dance studio, and still in full-time school taking honors classes.
Saying it out loud makes me seem like a crazy tiger mom. I still shake my head at the absurdity of it. We tried to get her to quit a thing or two, but she was not ready to give any of these things up because they were important to her. So we supported her. She began to show signs of emotional distress in the spring, and by May she was having panic attacks.
Luckily, her school year was almost over and we were able to help her move on from some of her commitments on top of getting her into therapy. I am proud of the work she is continuing to do on herself to prioritize her mental health by setting better boundaries around overcommitting herself, attending regular therapy sessions, and having hobbies that are just for fun with no commitments attached to them.
Triumphs: In January of 2023 Abbey had bilateral surgery on her ankles, and her recovery back to dance was well over 5 months long. She had accepted PBT’s company experience SI offer back in January, and the date was coming up fast. Abbey was feeling nervous that she would not show her best self and some of her friends who went to the program the previous year said the program was “fun but no one but the PBT kids get any solo parts.” Well, we had a dilemma.
She had been cleared by the doctor to dance and I had a feeling about the PBT program, so I told her she had to go. Well, she went with reservations. She had a blast, made some terrific friends, danced several solo parts including Odette, and the cherry on top was they offered her a contract for the upcoming season. Feel free to listen to the episode of Ballet Help Desk where I interviewed her about the experience.
What are some things about the dance world that you would like to see shift in the future?
Brett: There are a few things: First, I’d like to see ballet schools and companies standardize their postgraduate levels in terms of naming and numbers. Right now, these levels are all over the place, which makes it difficult to compare two programs. For example, one trainee program (San Francisco Ballet School) has around 12–14 dancers each year, and it’s the only level before going into the main company. It’s usually a one-year program.
Houston Ballet Academy also only has one level before the main company but it’s called HBII and is a two-year program. Their numbers range from 14–18 depending on the year. Then, you have places that have 60 trainees and then also a second company, which means there are two levels before the main company. I’d really like to see leveling become more consistent across companies.
This lack of consistency is one of the primary reasons we created a directory of postgraduate programs. This directory allows dancers to compare programs based on a number of factors including tuition costs, availability of housing, whether or not there is a stipend, whether dancers are paid for main company roles, etc.
I’d also like to have some protections put in place for students in the postgraduate levels. Often these students are used to augment the corps of the main company. Yet, not all companies pay their postgraduate students when they perform in company roles. If they were in the main company, they would absolutely be paid for these.
Finally, I’d like to see ballet schools be much more transparent about not only where their dancers go but what the placement rate is. Many schools will post glowing things on social media listing where their graduating students are going. This is a great step beyond what they were doing before. But it doesn’t provide the whole picture. If the graduating class is 12 and all 12 get contracts, that’s amazing. But if the graduating class is 60 and 12 get contracts, that’s also something I’d want to know.
In addition, some dancers go off to college and then do great things both within and outside of dance. I’d like to see more schools celebrate this and publish that along with the contracts their dancers got. Show us the whole picture of what the graduating class is doing rather than cherry-picking certain things that they think will present them in the best light.
Jenny: I want to share something Sarah Wroth (the head of the dance program at Indiana University) said that resonated with me: “The absence of communication becomes the narrative.” I believe there should be a shift in ballet training and company life where dancers are included in the conversation. If I could make a wish list, I would also include parents in these conversations.
Dancers are often left out of important communication about their training and even their careers. As a result, they sometimes assume the worst, thinking things like, “That teacher/ AD/ballet master hates me.” This happens because they feel picked on, ignored, or passed over. This lack of communication can have a big impact on a dancer’s confidence in class and performance. I believe involving the dancers and their parents can empower dancers to feel like they have a bit more control over the trajectory of their careers.
I would like to see some sort of standard credentialing for ballet teachers as well as mandatory continuing education. As of right now, the only qualification you need to have to teach at a US ballet school is a ballet career, and sometimes not even that is required.
I would also love to see some sort of governing body that sets basic standards for the number of classes for certain ages, guidelines on how to treat students with health issues including eating disorders, and protections for students with injuries (physical or mental) where their spot in the school is secure and they can go home and get the treatment they need and they won’t be cut or passed over. Ballet education needs oversight; it is unable to effectively police itself.
The Ballet Help Desk is a very comprehensive site for useful resources, where do you see your company headed in the future?
Brett: Good question! We have our hands full right now with what we’ve taken on and we want to make sure that what we’re doing is best serving dance families. One area of focus, going forward, is to really build out our year-round training reviews. People are so reluctant to fill them out, for fear of retribution from schools. And that is a real fear. But unless we can get a critical mass of them, it isn’t helpful for younger students who may be considering full-time training in the future.
We also just finished a survey of where we can better serve the dance community. So we’re sifting through the feedback and using it to make some decisions on next steps.
Jenny: Thank you for saying that. I think what we have achieved in a year and a half is noteworthy, but there is always room to make Ballet Help Desk better and more comprehensive. I think I am the dreamer in this partnership. Brett is really good at reeling me in and making me focus on what we can realistically attain, but since you asked I will share a few. I would love to do more collaborations with other resources for ballet parents to create new pathways to access information and bring more transparency to the ballet training path.
As we build more trust with our audience, I am hopeful that we can help parents and dancers make more informed decisions about where to go for their next stage of training. There are so many hidden gems that are overshadowed by big-name schools. People are too afraid to fill out our year-round reviews even though they are completely anonymous. I think most ballet schools currently receive little honest feedback.
The only way to bring real comprehensive, unbiased feedback is through our reviews. The more people who fill out the survey, the more we will get a comprehensive view of the ballet landscape. My ultimate goal is that more and more schools will proactively send out our reviews and we can work together to help improve the environments that develop the next generation of ballet dancers and also support them in becoming happy, healthy adults.
I would love for more people to reach out and contribute to the ongoing series called Dancer’s Story where a parent/friend talks a dancer through and asks questions about a pivotal time in their ballet path. Good, bad, sad, or funny. I think there is so much to gain from hearing from the dancers and being interviewed by someone who went through the experience with them. I did it with my daughter when she got her contract from PBT, and we had several parents reach out and share how helpful it was to hear some of the decisions she made in the moment.
We have some really exciting things in the pipeline, so stay tuned!
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